How I found out my boyfriend was married to another woman
Sally thought she’d found her ‘ideal man’ when she met Adam who worked in Adelaide but was regularly in Sydney for work. The couple enjoyed a long distance relationship until she discovered his secret.
I always had the worst track record when it came to dating, I seemed to choose the wrong men all the time. My sister loved to tell me that I was an ‘idiot who always chased the bad boys.’ But when I met Adam, I knew he was different.
He was a really gentle soul, cared about me deeply, he’d do anything for me. I felt really lucky to have him. He was the kind of boyfriend who would carry your shopping bags, hold doors open for you, cook your dinner, bring you breakfast in bed on the weekends. I’m not exaggerating, he did all of that and more!
The only downside was that he lived in Adelaide for work so I only got to see him every other weekend. Maybe that was why he spoiled me so much, because he wanted to make our time together really count.
One thing that really bugs me to this day is that whenever I asked if I could come to Adelaide to see him, he always made up a reason why I couldn’t visit and see where he lived. He’d say, ‘You wouldn’t like it, it’s better that we catch up in Sydney.” I wish I’d pushed him to let me visit his hometown a lot earlier as it would have saved me a lot of heartache later.
His 40th birthday was coming up and we’d been dating for nearly a year. I wanted to hold a surprise party for him but realized I didn’t know many of his friends. Actually I’d only ever met two and they were workmates who were a bit cold to me – I later found out why they were cold and unfriendly.
I was planning a surprise party for Adam and one of my friends put me off by saying, in her experience, surprise parties often backfire, or they find out about it and there’s no surprise. So I thought of another idea – I could fly to Adelaide and surprise him. It sounds strange to most people but I didn’t actually know his address. Anyway I called his friend Mark – I didn’t have his mobile, I just knew where he worked so called there.
I told him about my plans to surprise Adam in Adelaide and there was silence for a few seconds. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He said, “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. Why don’t you keep it simple, wait for him to come to Sydney and do something for him then.” I thought that was very weird, and he also told me he didn’t know Adam’s Adelaide address so I wasn’t sure what to do next. Maybe Mark was right, I should just keep things simple.
That night I received an email that was clearly from a fake account because when I tried to reply, it was already non-existent. The email said, “Your lover Adam is living a double life and has a wife in Adelaide.” That was all it said. At first I thought it was a joke but who would joke about something like that? I called my best friend and she suggested I confront Adam about it immediately.
I called Adam, told him about the email and he confessed – yes, he did have a wife in Adelaide. I couldn’t believe it!
But I’d already made my mind up that I didn’t see a future with a man who had lied about being single. I ended things with Adam, he was devastated – I really believe that he loved me. Well, I like to believe he loved me. That’s probably about the only thing about Adam I could believe.
It also explains why his Sydney friends were so cold to me – they saw me as ‘the other woman.’ Later, I found out via social media that Adam not only had a wife, but she was pregnant and he now has a baby girl. Double devastation for me and I know it’s going to take a lot of time to get over this.