What The Smartest Women Say, Do & Wear On First Dates (In Order To Get A Second)
You've only got one chance to make a good first impression. That's why you want to be very savvy about how you conduct yourself on a first date.
Once you know that you've presented the best version of yourself, you can relax.
You'll be able to stop focusing on trying to figure how to get this guy to like you and simply enjoy your time getting to know who he really is.
And you won't look back with regret, ruminating on what you could have done differently.
This is a great way to create the internal strength necessary to successfully weather the possibility of rejection.
Here are the 11 best tips on what to say, do and wear on a first date in order to get a guy to like you and have a great time.
1. Enjoy his company
The most important piece of advice is to do your best to have a good time on a first date. This is counterintuitive for many women who think the purpose of a first date is to qualify a man and decide if he is worthy of your time.
This is literally the worst first date strategy if you want to make a good first impression. Why? Because you will not be an enjoyable date who is easy to be with.
Instead, you'll be serious, intense, and anything but fun as you shoot your confrontational questions at him rapid fire. Resist the urge to investigate and sit back to see if you can simply enjoy each other’s company.
Make sure you really listen to him, so he feels heard. Most often a great conversationalist is someone who spends most of their time listening. Of course, you definitely want to put your two cents in as well because he needs to know what you are all about as well.
2. Prepare fun conversation topics
Not sure what to talk about? Think about what fun things you enjoy in your life. Ask about what he likes to do in his free time. Does he have any hobbies? Does he follow any sports and who are his teams? Where does he like to vacation?
Talk about restaurants and what he likes on his pizza. Bring up TV and ask what he likes to watch, as well as his favorite movies. Chat about music genres, bands, concerts and live local music venues.
There are also plenty of local activities you may have visited like museums, ballparks, historical sites, and farmer’s markets and you might discover something you can do together on your next date.
Make sure that you have your own answers worked out for any question you plan to ask so you don't get caught off guard. You want your responses to roll out easily, like you talk about them every day.
3. Be on time
This might not seem like a big deal, but everyone handles time differently. To some, being prompt is vital and being late is nothing short of insulting. Since you have no idea how your date will respond, do your best to be on time. Anyone can run into traffic, so just do what you can to get there when you agreed to meet.
4. Wear something fabulous
When you wear an outfit that you feel fabulous in, you’ll always make a better impression. Your clothing greatly impacts your mood and presentation. So, when you think you look good, you do!
Social research shows that color matters. Researchers conducting a study based on the British TV show "First Dates" found that men and women alike tend to wear black most often on dates.
Other research says men like a woman in red (or similar like coral, magenta and pink), as well as blue, which is the most trusted color. Apparently purple is also in the running, which interestingly enough is a blend of red and blue.
Fit is as important as color. Form-fitting clothing that shows off your shape will capture a man’s attention vs. baggy, flowy items that hide your shape. If you want to hide, you might as well stay home.
That's why it's smart to choose something that highlights your shape and your particular figure. You don't need to be a size two to look good in clothes. If you're not sure what works with your body type, talk to a stylist or a fashion-savvy friend.
5. Show up with a smile
When you smile, you will seem like a happy person. This is far more attractive than if you let on that your boss aggravated you or traffic stunk on the way over. Remember, you only get one chance to make that first impression, so make it count! Cheerful, relaxed and happy are always attractive emotions to aim for.
Before you walk in to the place for your date, take a moment to clear your emotional energy. You can simply imagine a white light swooshing down from the heavens over your entire body, like a waterfall cleaning you off.
This is a powerful exercise that really works if you give yourself a minute or so. Your intention really matters so be focused while you do this exercise. Next, come up with one happy thought before you walk through the door.
6. Don't treat him like a therapist
You cannot imagine how many men who are good listeners have women unload all their woes on a first date. This is a massive mistake and will most likely prevent you from landing a second date. Remember, the date needs to be fun for him too, so whether or not he seems interested in your dramas, you will not make a good first impression.
Also, be sure to keep the conversation balanced, rather than sucking up all the air in the room with your stories. Give him equal time when possible.
Lastly, do not talk about your ex and even if he brings up his ex, change the subject when you can. Your love war stories do not show you off in a good light and should be avoided until you know each other a bit better.
7. Remain aware that your body language tells all
Your posture and body language reveal so much more about you then you can imagine. You don't have to be an expert to get a first impression of someone. Be sure to stand and sit straight. Don't cross your arms in front of your body because that means you are protecting yourself or closed off.
Maintain some eye contact, but avoid the alpha-dog stare down, which actually feels very aggressive. It's helpful to look away occasionally, so you aren't intimidating your date. If you are truly interested in something he’s telling you, lean in a little toward him as a sign of your interest.
Another sign of interest is when you tilt your head to one side, showing that you are really thinking about what he’s saying.
8. Put your phone away
Nothing is worse than being on a date with someone who is constantly checking his phone or texting people. Believe me, he won't like it either. If you're worried about your kids calling, leave the ringer on — you'll hear it inside your purse. You don't need to take a picture of your food or beverage. Just try to focus on your date for a change and leave your phone alone.
If you spend time on your phone when you are with him, you are letting him know he's not that important and will take a back seat to your friends or social media. That's not the message you want to send is it? Don't do it. You can take a break for 90-minutes, I’m sure.
9. Look for commonalities
No matter where the conversation wanders, look for what you have in common. When you find something, highlight that. This helps with bonding and makes a man feel more warmly toward you. You want to know where your interests naturally overlap because that is one factor for compatibility.
10. Touch him
If you are feeling like this man a great guy, one flirty tip is to touch his forearm or shoulder. When you do this, you are breaking the private space barrier. Touch at the start of dating often has an electrifying jolt to it. Especially when the chemistry is great.
This works well when you are saying something funny or making a point. Reach over with one hand, touch his arm or shoulder for 2-3 seconds only and then withdraw slowly. It's a bit more daring, but he will be drawn in by your touch for sure if he's interested at all.
11. Leave him feeling good and wanting more
Who gets enough acknowledgment in society? Most people don’t, so when you make an effort to be gracious and say thank you for the date, you will make some points for sure.
Instead, give the guy one nice compliment such as, "You picked a great spot to meet," or "You are so easy to talk to, I could talk to you all night," or "Thanks so much, I had a really good time with you."
Keep your wrap up simple and don't belabor it. Also, don’t say you’d like to see him again. That's actually his job when you let the man lead. He knows what to do if he wants to see you again, even if he’s shy. All men know.
This may feel counterintuitive, but a first date should be relatively short. The idea is to leave him wanting to know more about you. After ninety minutes, wrap things up and go home or meet a friend if it's too early to end the night. Whatever you do, do not linger with your date or let it roll on for hours.
Sometimes women overstay because they are having a good time. They get too comfortable and start revealing private details prematurely before they know if he's worthy of that knowledge. That's why it's so much better leave him wanting more.
Ronnie Ann Ryan has been working as a dating coach and helping successful, single women find lasting love and build strong relationships for more than sixteen years. Get her free audio program and discover 12 first date mistakes that ruin your chances for love.
This article was written by Ronnie Ann Ryan from YourTango and was legally licensed through the NewsCred publisher network. Please direct all licensing questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.